Tags
chronic illness, exercise, exercise journey, hope, lupus, progress, reading, walking
So, let’s wax poetic a moment.
I’m at the end of the road. And it’s actually the beginning. Not that way like something has ended and therefore something else is now starting in its place but literally…okay fuck this, I don’t feel like making it all pretty even though I generally do with words.
WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS…I ended up not working out/walking on Thursday. I have been fighting chronic fatigue desperately this past week and since my son was with my dad I meant to read after sleeping in but ended up falling asleep on top of Little Women (…haaa).
Then yesterday I just forgot. I meant to but by the time I was like “okay I want to go walking” it was getting to be bedtime and was a lot colder with the sun down.
TODAY…I got the dogs leashed up…got my son in his coat and shoes. And I decided I didn’t want to just go to the end of the sidewalk (which doesn’t reach to the end of the road, I don’t know, don’t ask me I just live here) but that I wanted to go all the way to the corner. Now, it’s really not a big deal. But I really have to think about how many spoons (for those of you unfamiliar with Spoon Theory, Click Here) I have for the whole walk – not just how far I can GO but how far I can walk BACK. So I err on the side of caution. Because for me, pain doesn’t mean that perseverance or the desire to get better is whispering “just push a little harder, just get through it, you’ll get better/faster/stronger”. For me, pain is my body sternly saying “We NEED to stop soon. I can likely get you through the rest of the day with the ability to function and get around but if you push this, if you go harder, I will shut you down in bed.”
So there’s that asshole. Obviously today I felt pretty good, considering. I have been having nausea and the fatigue is still strong. But we walked all the way to the end. And made it back. I had to stop and rest for about 10 seconds, twice. My son asked what was wrong and I old him I was hurting. That sweet boy said “okay, we get you home mommy.” I hope that maybe just MAYBE these small advancements that don’t strain me much WILL get my muscles growing. I am well aware of the fine line between exercising that is beneficial to someone with lupus/fibro/back issues and exercising that will leave a person with chronic illness in the midst of a flare + a serious increase in pain for days, maybe weeks. But damn I want to kick ass and look awesome doing it.
I now plan on doing a few reps of exercises for ab, arms, glute, legs. Just enough to feel it but not really sweat it out. I’ll do that tomorrow. Then I will take a bath and read more of Little Women.
What I’m Reading:
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott – due back at the library Tuesday so I’m going to try not to have to renew it
Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas – this is turning out to be soooo good despite a bit of awkward writing at the beginning when the characters interact; that kind of added to the story in a way, though
**I was reading 168 Hours: You Have More More Time Than You Think by Laura Vanderkam but honestly, it dawned on me…let’s be honest, with my “conditions” I’m never going to know for sure, one day to the next, which hours of the 24 in a day will be spent doing what. Sometimes I wake up and think I’m dead because my eyes open easily and I’m not stiff as a board, ha. Other days…you can guess. BUT I am interested in logging my days and trying to create a sort of schedule/routine that doesn’t go based on time of day but amount of time spent doing something. I generally have a few good hours, they just might start later in the day.
Alright, I’ll do whatever this is again later. Don’t let the bastards get ya down, people.
Bowrag said:
Are you enjoying that book? I had a hard time getting through it.
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empressluna said:
Which one?
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Bowrag said:
Sorry, the Little Women one… seems like I had to read it in college. it was rough.
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empressluna said:
I like it. I started reading it years ago but never finished. Put it as my over 500pages for my 52 books in 2015 goal
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Bowrag said:
Send me an email, bowrag@yahoo.com
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N.E. Montgomery said:
Hi Empressluna
I followed the link here from terribleminds. This is pretty! And, interestingly, I too have a…condition is a word: ankylosing spondylitis (sp?). I don’t think it’s as severe as yours, but no chronic condition is a picnic. I have used the spoons analogy a ton – love that.
For me I tend to think of it as I have 75% (when in remission or it’s under control) of whatever it is a “normal” woman my age could do. So, I have 18 hours a day, not 24, etc., 75% of the lifting capacity, whatever. It helps me not try to take on too much, which I tend to do when I’m feeling decent. Of course if I’m having a flare, or a series of them, then all bets are off.
You’re being proactive and that’s huge – I’m still fighting just reacting –one of my goals for this year.
Funny aside: one of our “family stories” is that we’re related to Louisa May Alcott. No proof whatsoever, but I grew up believing it… 😉
Anyway, I wanted to say Hi, and yay for blogging in whatever form.
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empressluna said:
Hi!!! Thank you for stopping by 🙂 Your comment made me smile. I never thought to explain it in hours/percentages but that makes a ton of sense and I think I’ll adopt it.
That’s a pretty awesome family story. Your name makes me wonder if you’re related to the author of Anne of Green Gables, L.M. Montgomery.
I’ll cheer you on with being proactive. It’s definitely a challenge. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks dealing with chronic fatigue. I’m hoping the increase in one of my meds will help. Still have some more treatment options if it doesn’t though. Hope hope hope – seems to be a superpower of those of us who have to deal with crap like this!
Anyway, again, so glad you stopped by! You seem like “good people” 🙂
Love and Light!
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N.E. Montgomery said:
We had some good family stories, some more true than others (same side of the family said we were related to Edgar Allen Poe. I think there were some frustrated writers in my family with lots of wishful-thinking…) 😉
I’ll have to look into the L.M Montgomery – my mother does genealogy, so maybe she can trace that one. 🙂 That would be really neat.
Good luck with the meds – there really is so much hope in them. I got lucky and am having a partial remission so I could go off one of mine (really expensive one, too, with some bad possible side-effects), hence the wanting to be more proactive. Maybe I can stay off that one.
I’m glad I stopped by too. I’m “following” you now, so keep up the good ideas and good spirits and I’ll drop by to cheer you on back!
🙂 🙂 🙂
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